This Side of the Looking Glass

So many times, as a single woman, you ask yourself if you really know your purpose in life.   For me, those early foggy fall mornings on the way to work envelope me with questions of identity and purpose.  Is life really about getting married?  Does it bring fulfillment different then what I have now?  Is that what my true purpose is?  But what if I never marry...I most likely won't... should I go work at an orphanage?  Why do we always think orphanage?  I just don't want to be a lonely, bitter, aimless old lady.

***

My thoughts drifted to my closest guy friend.  He was the closest thing to a best friend I could imagine in a guy. We could talk. Pretty much about anything.  Recently, it had become increasingly different.  Little things, nothing too spectacular, just a closeness that wasn't there before. He started to like me in a different way, or maybe he always had.  I too had been changing, or noticing change, I don't know.  Did I like him?  Maybe. Yes.  I loved him in someway, but I wasn't planning on this.  Was this right? 

***

The rain was very fitting.  Streams of silver droplets poured down my windshield, side mirror, and even when I looked at the pavement, the red reflection of the stop light shone ugly on the dank, dark, slimy tarmac.  I sighed.  Yes, the rain was very fitting.  It was crying for me.  Crying instead of me.  I couldn't cry, I was too tired.  Too weary.  Just dull inside.  Was I grieving? No, not really.  Depressed really.  I didn't have anything to cry about and I knew it.  He had asked to make it more serious, and changed his mind.  It was over.  I laughed softly, almost bitterly, to myself.  Whatever it was.  Somehow, I knew we were still friends, but now forever at a distance.  

Why had I gotten myself into this? Why did I let this happen?  What I am to do now? What does life hold?  The orphanage seemed far away and yet somehow maybe the only road.  Tibet. Tibet was far. 

Now, why in the world - Tibet?  I asked myself.  And realized it wasn't Tibet, Nigeria, or overseas that lay on my heart - it was my own selfish wish to ease an ache that clung to my heart and cried out to my brain.  I could hear it's pitiful wail - "I'm broken! Broken in two! Pity with me, for no one can fix this now."  

No, I said to my miserable heart, You are not broken. Maybe bruised, definitely tired, but not broken. Besides, I knew that God is the healer of the broken in heart, and He is only one and He was in control.  Since the beginning of my friendship (years), I had been praying - calling out to God to direct, stop, or help, whichever it was we needed.  This I knew. God was in control and it was the only thing I could cling to. 

***

To be continued.....

I am contemplating writing a book, but am not sure exactly how to start, so I think I will draw on my own experiences, and maybe work in the details of my heritage and past that is full of strange little stories, real heart breaks, mystery, and of course romance.  And here I have decided to practice. 

Maybe, I will indeed be able to write and finish writing this book:

_____________________________________

title to be determinded

Summer fun with Isabel :)

Isabel came for a week (we both look forward to when she can visit for another week!), these are the only two pictures I remembered to take.   Isn't it a fun looking party?  We had marble foot massages in the kiddie pool and ate random stuff for lunch. The week was full of dollar-store-runs and crafts - oh and not to forget, TONS of How To Train Your Dragon 1 & 2 and tv episodes. :)  Needless to say, "Gronkle" was repeatedly floating around my head.....my vocabulary was a little sad....but we had fun!

Waiting Endure for a Season...

Sometimes the best things in life 

take a long time to materialize. 

~

My answer to 60 tips that will change a Girl's Life

One small step for girls, one giant leap for womankind.  My response to this blog post entitled 60 tips that can change a girls life.  

http://herrickalexisc1.wordpress.com/2014/03/26/60-little-tips-that-can-change-a-girls-life/

1. Download a banking app, better yet, download a budget app. (See budget options here) 
2. Drink more herbal tea. Agreed, it certainly relaxes you and is so healthy.  
3. Making your own coffee/tea instead of buying it will make you a rich woman. Most definitely.
4. Always have at least 2 open chapsticks, and one closed at home (too many tend to waste)
5. Check out thrift stores. Ah! I buy so many of my skirt at thrift shops. (See thrift shopping here)
6. Buy good jeans at a good price.  While cheaply made jeans wear out, you don't need to pay alot for jeans.  (See Cool places to shop) 
7. Buy cheap sunglasses instead.  So true, as long as they are UV protected.
8. Don’t chase boys!!!!!!!!!  
9. Wear slippers when you have to drive in heels, a pair of soft slippers in a slipper bag is a good idea.
10. Wear layers! i.e., carry a sweater or hoodie if you are wearing a t-shirt, and layer winter clothes, so you can remove your sweater if it gets to warm in a room. ( Even in summer? You could fill a novella with the times I ended up at a bonfire in the summer wanting my hoodie and not having it. )
11. Not so big on slippers so:  Smile wherever you go
12. Say a kind word whenever you possibly can (without being akward :P )
13. "Spend a little extra money on your make up?" well, I do and don't.  I buy any eye makeup at the dollar store, because I both rarely use it and find it works fine.  But, I spend money on good concealer and blush, my sensitive skin loves it. 
14. Get running sneakers that are actually effective and not just cute.
15. NEVER go to bed with your make up on.
16. "Get like a thousand packs of make up wipes, because they work the best." Haha, very true, but 1,000? really?  A couple packs from the dollar store is usually good.
17. Have a bottle of water on hand, a water bottle is 
18. Don't always be listening to music, take time to walk and think, or if you have the earphones, listen to the audio Bible - You Version App for android is really good!
19. Don't choose girls vs guys, its way more fun to mingle.  Girl time is good, boyfriend time is good, but as Christians we should fellowship with each other. Besides, why are you dating a guy that you figure will be gone in a bit?!
20. Get a bra that fits well, and maybe a bra butterfly to tie back the straps.  
21. Wash your face.
22. THE DOLLAR TREE is ABSOLUTELY great.  So is Dollar Tree - know your merchandise.
23. Never feel you have to paint your nails to feel beautiful, clean nails are nice nails.  If you paint, be sure its for fun, not a crutch. 
24. Eat something healthy for breakfast - example a smoothie or an apple or a orange....best yet half of a grapefruit :) 
25. Make a summer playlist for when you need to walk in the cold and start actually getting depressed. Hymns are wonderful anti-depressants :)
26. Get a super awesome coffee mug. :D
27. Realize that you don't need any lipstick.  You are beautiful
28. Don't even date a guy who doesn't know better than to take you such places as a dingy resturant or bar - Seriously!
29. Never try dieting pills or fads. It’s all a bunch of garbage, just be healthy, or better yet, "moderation in all things".
30. Call your mom when you need help. Yes indeed. 
31. Forget name brands. No one really cares, and you will have three times the wardrobe to choose from if you shop at Tj Maxx and Marshalls first. - Actually, try Target, the second hand store, and Outlet stores - they often beat both TJMaxx and Marshalls. 
32. Your friends don't need to like your favorite TV show - friends should be friends because you care about them and they about you!
33. See Above, your friends are individuals and one of my best friends is gluten intolerant and I love bread.  See?  would be ridiculous to have to have a friend who ate what you eat
34. There is this amazing invention called “boob tape” to wear with strapless dresses ... ah yes, apparently it works great most of the time - wear straps?  Modesty and comfort are more valuable
35. Ask for a white coat underneath the color when you get your nails done and the color you wanted looks so much more vibrant. hmmm interesting....not sure as I haven't tried it.  
36. Never spend too much time crying over a boy.  Definitely, God is in control, take comfort that He knows best and wants to save you from making the wrong decision.
37. Order the dressing or sauce on the side ladies. You’d be amazed at the difference.
38. Always try clothing on before you buy it. Don’t even try to reason with yourself, “Well I don’t need to try this on”, yes you do.
39. Drink as much water as humanly possible.
40. One foundation does not fit all. Your skin is unique; so spend the time to get a foundation that doesn’t look like you just smudged your face with paint.
41. Use your iCalendar or google calendar on your phone for reminders. It sends you emails and will give you instant organization.
42. Get a microwaveable heat pad. Your cramps and back will thank you for the rest of your days. Or take a warm bath with Epsom salts :)
43. The best remedy for a broken heart is taking it to the Lord.  He is the healer of broken hearts Psalms 147:3
44. Stock your car, desk, and bags with hand sanitizer.
45. Keep Advil in your purse for your every day headaches.
46. Band-Aids too, heels are beautiful little monsters.
47. Befriend store associates because they actually will help you. Most of the time. But don't buy it if you are feeling unsure - they also work on commission. 
48. Just go with butter popcorn .... 
49. Exercise when you’re stressed out.
50. You can and will never have too many pairs of underwear. Welll.... we get the point, but ah, yes, you can have too many.
51. Find the perfect moisturizer.
52. Accessories are great fun.
53. Take bubble baths with Epsom salts, but only take the bubbles if you can handle standard soap in delicate regions.
54. Have a granola bar on hand at all times.
55. Read as much as you can for your own enjoyment. And don't forget to read your Bible.
56. Look natural in photos and smile with your teeth. Don’t do that weird grimace smile; your teeth are perfect just the way they are.
57. If you are sick you need a doctor or dentist. It’s incredibly important to take care of your body and to know the difference of when you need help and when you don't.
58. Get your beauty sleep.
59. Use hand lotion.
60. Make chocolate chip pancakes when ever possible.  haha or muffins ;)

Grapefruit, Life, & all such news

So, lately many people have been asking me how life is going, how we are, how our marriage is, etc... sometimes into strange awkward questions, or those looks that are "looking deeper". :)
I know they all mean well, and I have been guilty of the same  - if not actually asking, definitely thinking it.  Yet, it always seems they are assuming the answer isn't going to be positive.  Makes me almost chuckle.  Yes, we are fine, happy, busy, and in general enjoying life.

And there you have it.  As dear Anne remarked in Anne of Green Gables, quoting that famous poem by Browning: 

“Anne's horizons had closed in since the night she had sat there after coming home from Queen's; but if the path set before her feet was to be narrow she knew that flowers of quiet happiness would bloom along it. The joy of sincere work and worthy aspiration and congenial friendship were to be hers; nothing could rob her of her birthright of fancy or her ideal world of dreams. And there was always the bend in the road!"`God's in his heaven, all's right with the world,'" whispered Anne softly."

You may be wondering at the grapefruit.  Well, this morning we were eating large pink flesh grapefruits for breakfast and I was thinking how utterly delicious the round yellow fruit was, when I realized.  I am content, wonderfully content, no more and more less content than before I was married. Just content, enjoying simple things that afore generations may not have had the privilege.
(Grapefruit wasn't a Upper Canada breakfast in 1802.)

I am not sure if Anne was ever mentioned of having eaten grapefruit in the books, but if she could have tasted my, I am sure she would have pronounced some lovely exclamation.